


Quam Minimum Credula Postero

by The_Kid_From_Yesterday



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Canon compliant-ish, Episode: s04e24 Gethsemane, Episode: s05e01-02 Redux, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29580870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Kid_From_Yesterday/pseuds/The_Kid_From_Yesterday
Summary: Faced with the idea of losing Scully for good, Mulder realizes how important she is for him and that time is merciless and tomorrow never granted.(Written for the 2021 X-Files Dialogue Fanfic Exchange)
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 17
Kudos: 40
Collections: X-Files Dialogue Fanfic Exchange (2021)





	Quam Minimum Credula Postero

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FridaysAt9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FridaysAt9/gifts).



> Hello, Erica!  
> I absolutely loved working on this prompt, it gave me a lot of freedom and I truly enjoyed myself. I really hope you like what I came up with! <3

> _Dum loquimur, fugerit invida_

> _aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero._

> _In the moment of our talking, envious time has ebb'd away._
> 
> _Seize the present; trust tomorrow e'en as little as you may._

> _(Horace, Odes 1.11)_

* * *

Mulder gently pushed the hospital door open. The room was quiet and dark, the only faint source of light coming from the pale, milky moonlight seeping through the blinds. He closed the door behind him, careful not to make any sound, keeping his pace as light as he could as he walked around the bed and sat himself down on the chair next to it. Scully was sleeping soundly, on her left side, the cover up to her hips. She looked so small and frail in this big bed; her skin pale, stretching on her now more prominent bones, all traces of softness gone from her once rosy cheeks; deep, dark circles around her eyes. Still, she managed to look beautiful. Like a warrior.

He felt his heart clench in his chest, breaking at the sight before his eyes. He brushed a strand of her copper hair from her forehead before taking Scully's small hand in his, lacing their fingers together softly, careful not to wake her up, though if that was for her sake or his, it was hard to tell. He didn't want to disturb her sleep, to take away from her that much-coveted rest, but at the same time, he was clearly aware that he could not have withstood her gaze. Not tonight, because looking in her eyes always made him feel so vulnerable, unable to conceal his deepest thoughts at her attentive scrutiny and that would have made him finally crumple and she didn't need that now, she didn't need to see what this was doing to him. She needed Mulder to be strong by her side, to look like he could take the blow, though they both knew it was only a façade.

He had felt so filled with hope when she had agreed to try the chip, hopeful that a miracle would finally grace them and free them from the living nightmare they had found themselves entangled in for the past few months. Only that it wasn't working. Her cancer was not improving and she was fading away, succumbing to an evil that was consuming her from the inside. She was a fighter, that much he knew for sure. She would fight till the very end, but he felt that end getting closer and closer each passing moment. No matter how hard of a fight she could put up, some battles were simply not meant to be won.

He tightened the grasp on her hand, just a little, feeling the tears prick his eyes and his vision starting to blur slightly. It couldn't end like this, it just couldn't. He could not accept to sit idly by, watching powerlessly as the tragedy unfolded before his eyes. But was else could he do? What else, but to clasp her hand as strongly as he could, as if that would be enough to keep her here by his side, to keep her from slipping away into the abyss?

_If only I could, Scully, if only I could swap our places, be the one stuck in this bed, be the one to fade away, I would. In the blink of an eye. That is how much I love you, Scully. I would trade your life for mine at any moment, without thinking about it twice, because it just can't end like this, it can't._

He almost felt startled at this thought forming in his brain, at how natural it had felt, at how easily it had slipped through the wall he had put up in his own mind to protect himself from the harsh reality of what was happening. Mulder couldn't really spot the exact second that the realization had struck him. That he loved her, that she was his one in five billion. He had simply found himself faced with the idea of losing her for good and found that unfathomable. He couldn't conceive a world without Scully in it, simply because he was certain that his own existence would cease alongside hers. He didn't have to worry about a world without her because he wouldn't be there to see it either. He felt a sob shake him and rested his forehead on the mattress right next to Scully's hand, still clasped in his own. He finally let the tears he had struggled so hard to hold back fall freely on his cheeks, his mouth open in a silent cry, the pain in his chest simply too excruciating. He wanted to scream to the heavens, to pray to whoever would listen, to spare her, to save her, for a miracle to befall them at last.

_I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you... If only that were enough._

* * *

Mulder had just gotten home from the trial when his phone rang. He had barely taken off his coat when the piercing sound had made him freeze in his movements. He felt his heart flip and drop to his stomach, this phone call a dreaded foreshadow of a grim ending he was unable to prevent. For a second he thought that if he didn't pick it up, maybe, for some weird paradox, it wouldn't make what was bound to happen real, that he could delay or stop the inevitable. But he didn't have the luxury of deluding himself, not anymore. He reached out to the phone, fingers trembling and heart heavy, his mouth suddenly too dry to properly articulate anything more than a barely audible whisper "Mulder".

* * *

Mulder rushed to the hospital, a bunch of flowers in his hand and a barely containable grin on his face that was starting to make his cheeks hurt. He didn't mind it in the least, though, it was a pain he welcomed very gladly. When he had answered that phone call, only half an hour ago, he could have never dared to hope to hear the words that came from the other end, Maggie's voice broken but unmistakably happy. Remission. Scully's cancer was in remission. He had pinched himself quite a few times when he had hung up the phone because this still seemed too much like a dream, the actualization of which he hadn't dared to hope for.

He reached Scully's room and stopped himself for a second. The door was slightly ajar but the room was silent, indicating that her mother and brother probably weren't there right now. The thought made his heartbeat just a little bit faster. Between the trial and all, he hadn't had much time to process his own feelings after the realization of the other night. He loved Scully, he knew that, had known it for a long time. She was his best friend, that was the solid basis of their relationship, but he knew there was far more to it than that. He wasn't exactly sure of the full extent of his feelings yet, but what he knew for certain was that getting so close to losing her had made him realize just how uncertain their future was. With their job, the conspiracy, aliens, abductions, all the crazy stuff they were exposed to every day, there was no way in telling how much time they could have left. And he made a vow to himself not to waste a single minute of it without openly love her, in any way she would allow him. If what he had left were mere hours, days, or years, he knew who he wanted by his side now.

He gently tapped his knuckles on the white wood, his smile growing even more when a small voice from the inside invited him in.

Scully was sitting on her bed, her back resting on two fluffy pillows. She was still pale and skinny, the dark circles under her eyes only faintly dimmed, but the smile that appeared on her face when she saw him was so tender, so genuine, so Scully, that Mulder found himself grinning even more, unable to contain his happiness. Her eyes moved from his face to his hands and her smile grew wider at the sight of the flowers "Oh, Mulder, you didn't have to..." she said, looking back at him.

In that moment Mulder realized he was still by the door, clutching the flowers, suddenly completely incapable of remembering how to walk. Or breathe. He took another second to look at her, at her eyes finally vibrant with newfound energy, before snapping out of it and crossing the room to her bed. He placed the flowers on her bedside table, making a mental note to ask a nurse to put them in a vase later, and sat on the chair next to her. How hopeless and lost had he felt the last time he was sitting here and how happy and giddy and grateful he was feeling now. It was as if his world had been turned upside down in the span of an afternoon. Just a few hours back, his small planet was full of darkness and despair, cold and barren and now, almost as if Scully was his own personal Sun, she was shining bright again, giving back light and warmth to his little solar system.

"How are you feeling, Scully?" he asked, taking her left hand in his, gently stroking the back of it with his thumb, still incredulous that she didn't vanish the second he touched her, like a ghost, proving that this was indeed a dream. But it wasn't. She was still here, her small hand a concrete proof of her corporeal existence.

"Tired," she said, bringing her right hand to stroke his fingers in return. "But hopeful" she concluded with a smile, lifting her gaze to meet his eyes.

Mulder smiled back at her and scooted closer with his chair till he could comfortably rest his chin above their joined hands. Invading each other's personal space had never been that big of a deal for neither of them but now being so close to her felt completely different. It was reassuring to be able to touch her, to feel her warmth on his own skin, to feel her here, beside him, alive.

He closed his eyes, smiling contentedly, before placing a feather-like kiss on the back of Scully's hand. Communication wasn't their strongest suit, it had never been. They had always been more comfortable at talking in gestures and looks, words more often than not were simply ineffective when it came to them. And Mulder knew that this situation wasn't any different. He lingered with his lips on her hand, not truly kissing, just ghosting over her skin, barely brushing it. He felt her hold her breath, knowing that she had probably sensed this touch was different from the ones they were so used to share. He felt his heart thrum in his chest, knowing that he was on very thin ground, that if he went on with this there was no going back, that he was putting himself on the line, uncovering all of his cards, offering his whole heart to her mercy and that she could very well reject him, slap him away and yell at him to leave and never return. But it was a risk he was willing to accept. Almost losing the person you love the most really puts things into perspective.

He opened his eyes, looking up at hers, and found her gazing back at him, her eyes wide, but with no trace of fear or rejection, only slight confusion, and anticipation. He moved slowly from the chair, silently asking for her permission to sit on the bed beside her. She didn't reply, only scooted to her right and let him put his arm behind her back until she was completely engulfed in his embrace, her eyes closed and her head resting on his shoulder.

She had missed this, the safety and protectiveness that his arms could bring to her.

And he had missed a handful of Scully snuggling up against his chest, her size making it the perfect nestling spot for her, as if she was made to be held by him and he was always more than willing to comply.

He sighed contentedly and moved his left hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She smiled shyly and looked up at him. He could tell she wanted to make some snarky comment, but the words died on her lips when she saw the seriousness in his eyes, veiled with unshed tears. She looked confused, her brows furrowed with concern. She disentangled herself from him just enough to place a hand on his cheek, letting him lean on it, catching a single tear that had escaped his closed eyes and brushing it away with her thumb.

"Mulder, what is it?" she whispered worriedly "Talk to me, please" she begged him, afraid that their newborn happiness was about to be tainted with some troublesome news.

Mulder clenched his jaw, trying to regain some control of the whirlwind of emotions threatening to swipe him away, and rested his forehead against Scully's.

"I'm..." he sighed, finding it hard to talk, at a loss of words to properly explain what he was feeling. He drew back, taking her face in his hands and smiling reassuringly, hoping it would be enough to smooth the wrinkle between her brows. She wasn't fully convinced, but she put her hands on his, squeezing his fingers gently to prompt him to go on.

"I'm happy" he simply said, before closing his eyes again and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. He could say she was startled at first and he held his breath, ready to jump back, to get away from her and face her rejection, but she made a small, contented sigh and he could feel her relax into his embrace, her lips stretching into a smile against his. She kissed him back, taking her time, softly parting his lips with hers and Mulder tried his best to convey, with his touch, all that he could not say with his words. He tried to pour all his love and devotion for her in the brush of his lips, all the fear of losing her and happiness of the newfound promise of a future together in the gentle caress of his fingertips on her cheeks.

When they parted they smiled at each other fondly, before resting their foreheads together again, relishing in each other's presence, in knowing they were both here, alive and breathing. He kissed her temple, letting her snuggle back against his chest and settling his chin over the top of her head. He wanted this moment never to end, he wanted to spend the rest of his life in this position, holding her close and never letting her go, protecting her from all the pain and sorrow that would inevitably befall them at some point.

But Scully seemed to have other plans. She feebly squeezed his middle, her full strength still not back to her, and tried to untangle herself from his grip. He lightly held her back with a false grunt of annoyance.

"Mulder, you have to let me go, mom and Bill will get back soon!" she murmured, pretending to struggle against his arms, managing only to turn her back to him. He nuzzled against her neck, kissing her behind her ear and keeping her firmly against his chest.

"Come on, Scully. Five more minutes" he childishly tried to bargain, kissing her milky skin again. He already pictured them together in her bed, the warm sunlight filtering through her blinds and waking them up on a Sunday morning. He could clearly see her waking up and insisting on making coffee and him gently pulling her back, begging her to share five more minutes of bliss under the covers with him, enveloping her in a tight embrace. He knew his imagination was running a little too wild, but he couldn't help himself indulge in his thoughts just a while longer. She huffed a small laugh, slapping his hands from where they were resting on her waist and bringing him back to reality.

"No way, what would my mom say if she saw us like this? And Bill is already looking for a plausible motive to kill you, don't make it that easy for him" she joked.

"Okay, okay, you win. I give up" he said, biting his tongue to prevent himself from commenting on how her mom would be hardly surprised, concurring with her that Bill would definitely not be pleased in front of such a display.

He finally let go of her with a feeble grunt and climbed off the bed, retaking his previous place on the chair next to it. She smiled at him, settling back against her pillows and smoothing the cover over her legs. She extended her left hand on the mattress, a silent invitation for him to hold it and one that he took gladly, squeezing her fingers, that foolish, big grin of uncontainable happiness again on his lips.

He felt his heart burst with love and affection and pure joy, so much that all his defenses dropped and the words escaped his lips before he could second guess himself and stop them.

"I love you, Dana".

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to the lovely @Lesbianscullies for proof-reading the whole work!


End file.
